Fear

Personal

Out of many facts about me, the fact that I am an assault survivor was not an issue I ever thought I would need to discuss on my outdoor blog. Unfortunately I was outed by an organised group of trolls who were constantly haranguing me on my outdoor sites about various issues. Fortunately I have screenshots of their comments as I really resent feeling pressured into confiding about this issue in this way on my blog, rather than here on my personal site.

And so – I am still feeling my way around how to express this issue which began at the age of about three. Although I have fought not to let aggression towards me as a child affect the present, moving back up north meant that those old fears began to affect all aspects of my life.

Since my twenties (in the pre digital era), I have successfully used cognitive therapy techniques to help me to overcome my anxieties and remain positive. To this end I set myself various small and large targets to master (it doesn’t matter what they are or how small they are). I then make a list of how I will achieve those targets and continually appraise my own progress in achieving each aim towards my ultimate goal. At first my targets were tiny things which seemed huge at the time, like going for a walk.

Storyboard
What did you do in the war mum? Storyboard

I used to write it all down but I have been using these techniques for so long that they are totally internal now. I have rarely explained them like this, as I’ve never considered it to be all that interesting to anyone other than myself. The techniques may not work for everyone but they continue in the background, whatever else is happening in my life.

Rimers of Eldritch
Set model for the Rimers of Eldritch by Lanford Wilson ©

To illustrate using an example of this process (which has up to now been private), I often set targets which challenge or conquer my fears, so I set myself a target to become experienced at wild camping on my blog. To achieve that target I set five goals:

  • To set myself some hard and fast challenges which would give me a reason to wild camp, and some deadlines to work towards. (I made the mistake of sharing an early challenge on Twitter, and it was completely savaged by trolls).
  • To gradually assemble a kit in which I have confidence.
  • To progress gradually from bed and breakfasts to wild camping on my long distance trails.
  • To seek advice and support if needed. Some people have been very helpful (hopefully they will know who they are, and who they are not).
  • To recognise when people are trying to undermine me, because my own development matters.
I Pagliacci
Set sketch for I Pagliacci by Leoncavallo

I can only hope that some good will come of my making this post, and that these methods may be helpful to some readers. My advice however, is not to share it on public social media platforms such as Twitter, as trolls can and will undo the work of twenty years in half an hour if you let them. Remember that this is entirely their problem and not yours. Hopefully social media safety people will realise this eventually and toughen up their responses.

January 2017.