Fear

Personal

Out of many facts about me, the fact that I am an assault survivor was not an issue I ever thought I would need to discuss on my outdoor blog. Unfortunately I was outed by an organised group of trolls who were constantly haranguing me on my outdoor sites about various issues. Fortunately I have screenshots of their comments as I really resent feeling pressured into confiding about this issue in this way on my blog, rather than here on my personal site.

And so – I am still feeling my way around how to express this issue which began at the age of about three. Although I have fought not to let aggression towards me as a child affect the present, moving back up north meant that those old fears began to affect all aspects of my life.

Since my twenties (in the pre digital era), I have successfully used cognitive therapy techniques to help me to overcome my anxieties and remain positive. To this end I set myself various small and large targets to master (it doesn’t matter what they are or how small they are). I then make a list of how I will achieve those targets and continually appraise my own progress in achieving each aim towards my ultimate goal. At first my targets were tiny things which seemed huge at the time, like going for a walk.

Storyboard
What did you do in the war mum? Storyboard

I used to write it all down but I have been using these techniques for so long that they are totally internal now. I have rarely explained them like this, as I’ve never considered it to be all that interesting to anyone other than myself. The techniques may not work for everyone but they continue in the background, whatever else is happening in my life.

Rimers of Eldritch
Set model for the Rimers of Eldritch by Lanford Wilson ©

To illustrate using an example of this process (which has up to now been private), I often set targets which challenge or conquer my fears, so I set myself a target to become experienced at wild camping on my blog. To achieve that target I set five goals:

  • To set myself some hard and fast challenges which would give me a reason to wild camp, and some deadlines to work towards. (I made the mistake of sharing an early challenge on Twitter, and it was completely savaged by trolls).
  • To gradually assemble a kit in which I have confidence.
  • To progress gradually from bed and breakfasts to wild camping on my long distance trails.
  • To seek advice and support if needed. Some people have been very helpful (hopefully they will know who they are, and who they are not).
  • To recognise when people are trying to undermine me, because my own development matters.
I Pagliacci
Set sketch for I Pagliacci by Leoncavallo

I can only hope that some good will come of my making this post, and that these methods may be helpful to some readers. My advice however, is not to share it on public social media platforms such as Twitter, as trolls can and will undo the work of twenty years in half an hour if you let them. Remember that this is entirely their problem and not yours. Hopefully social media safety people will realise this eventually and toughen up their responses.

January 2017.

The U.N.

Personal News.

For information, all my attempts to resolve various issues with my local authorities between 2000 and 2009 when my mother was terminally ill, finally failed completely and catastrophically due to a hacker shortly before my mother passed away in 2009. As yet I have received no acknowledgment that this has happened, admission of guilt, or apology.

Most of the issues I had sought to discuss remain completely unresolved.

Version 2

Information

Personal News. February 2018.

As a digital immigrant, I didn’t really know much about online safety when I created this site, and my outdoor site in which I used a pseudonym, in 2012. The aims of my outdoor sites were to celebrate the life of my late mother and to remind myself, after her long illness, that beauty and kindness still existed in the world. Naively I thought that is what the internet was for. Because of this, I didn’t know how to react or who to turn to when my sites were targeted by cyberstalkers, malware and organised trolling.

Since my mother passed away in 2009, I have made repeated attempts to refer people to this site for information and news. However, the one thing I am learning is that trolls can’t, or won’t, read. Instead they seem intent on wreaking emotional devastation, and pressured me into disclosing private information on my outdoor site. These experiences have forced me to change my approach to the internet and social media.

I am trying to balance out the positive contribution the internet can make against the immense loss and emotional damage being caused by hackers and trolls, and the lax safety responses from some of the companies involved. As a result, I regret to say that I may lock or restrict some of my sites sometimes. I would be grateful if people could respect the privacy of myself and my family.

Everything else will hopefully carry on with improved productivity in a less toxic environment.

Art direction 3
Studio floor plan ©

10% to Crisis UK

Work. December 2017

I am selling some limited run signed prints & postcard sets of various designs and drawings from film and theatre projects. 10% from every sale goes to Crisis UK, the charity for the homeless. 

Set of 6 Assorted Costume Postcards – £3.00

These costume design postcards are taken from original drawings for various theatre and film projects. They would make an ideal gift for anyone interested in design, costume, fashion or theatre. Each set of 147mm x 104mm postcards comes in a clear, sealed polypropylene pack (164mm x 118mm). Postcards are printed on matt recycled card. This assorted pack includes the following costume designs:

  • Queen Victoria. Early Morning by Edward Bond.
  • Lucette Gautier. Cat among the Pigeons by George Feydeau.
  • Baz. Hard Feelings by Doug Lucie.
  • Lodovico. The White Devil by John Webster.
  • Baroness Duverger. Cat among the Pigeons by George Feydeau.
  • Comic character design.
img_4076


Set of 4 Queen Victoria Costume Postcards – £2.50

This set of 4 matching postcards shows a costume design for Queen Victoria from Early Morning by Edward Bond. The cards are are printed on matt recycled card and come in a sealed, clear polypropylene pack measuring 164mm x 118mm with the cards measuring 138mm x 107mm and would make a unique gift for lovers of old school correspondence.

img_4077


Reproductions – £10.00

Also for sale are a limited range of signed reproduction costume drawings measuring 297mm x 210mm which are suitable for mounting and framing. If you would like to order reproductions of any design drawings featured on this website, please use the contact form to discuss your requirements.

Thanks for visiting. January 2018.